“Never Again!”

Day 5-Have you ever made a vow to never again make the same mistake? Sounds reasonable. But is it really?

If I trace back to the origins of the biggest hurts of my life, I often discover the words “never again . . .” were thought or spoken. You may ask “what’s wrong with protecting yourself?” Nothing, as long as you are not avoiding life in the process.

Although it’s reasonable to commit to “never again” getting drunk, cheating, stealing or breaking the law, using these potent words in other circumstances may be detrimental to your relationships. Before you know it, you’ll have built an impervious wall to protect yourself from the life you want!

I remember making the “never again” vow years ago, when I was betrayed by a friend. The effect of this vow sent ripples of mistrust through every friendship that followed. Before I could get hurt, I would build an emotional wall to keep new friends from getting too close to hurt me. Or worse, I would hurt them first, before they could hurt me. Thankfully, through the healing work of Unbound, (https://www.heartofthefather.com/) I became aware of this unhealthy pattern created by the vow to never again allow anyone to get too close to hurt me. I then was able, with the help of God, to break the vow and start again with a clean slate.

Interestingly, what I had realized, by adopting an attitude of self-overprotection, I actually set myself up for rejection! New friends wouldn’t stick around to get further involved with my angry, closed-off attitude. Who could blame them?

The point is none of us can avoid pain. It’s a necessary part of growth. We can’t become fully evolved human beings without suffering the emotional growing pains of life. Pain teaches us compassion and wisdom. By trying to avoid emotional suffering, we may miss out on the beauty and joy of complex relationships. Looking back, I’m grateful for that failed friendship. I learned much about my worth and what kind of friendship I should choose to invest my heart and time into.

So instead of absolutely cutting yourself off from the possible
pain of relationships, why not risk facing it head on? If you get hurt, don’t place the “never again” band-aid on the wound and run away. You may be leaving a huge wound to fester in your wake. But what would happen if you tried sitting in the pain for a bit? What could be gained if you reflected on the hurt? Could you see how you might have contributed to the hurt? What if you tried forgiveness before moving on? How might you need to forgive yourself?