Day 30 Joy is Brave

In the last month Caiden has been a bit deflated. Low in energy. He has never quite bounced back from the last increase in his seizure meds. We are constantly balancing the control of his seizures with the sedative effects of the meds. Basically, the goal is to have Caiden seizure-free without knocking him out! It’s never perfect, and he is definitely more groggy than most kids his age, but he has always managed to maintain his joyful spirit. But the past few weeks his bright demeanor has dimmed—he seems too tired to enjoy anything. Of course, it’s heartbreaking as a mom to watch my baby regress or struggle, but other than talk to his doctors and strategize, there is not much else I can do to make him better. That reality is so unsatisfying. My mind has already jumped to: “Is ‘this’ who Caiden is now?” And “Is ‘this’ Caiden’s ‘new normal’?” But what will constantly worrying about it gain me or my son? I’ll tell you what it got me today...depressed. I saw our future flash before my eyes and it looked bleak. How can I let go of what I can’t control? Well, I went for my walk, talked to God, cried a bit, asked my special mommas to pray for me and moved on. Done. I refuse to dwell on what I cannot change. And this may sound controversial, but even my child’s apparent lack of joy should not steal my joy. This is a tough pill to swallow for us moms, but it’s good medicine, I promise. The moms I look up to are the special moms that are calm and smiling even when their children are sick...gravely sick. “Isn’t that just putting on a brave face?”, you might ask. You bet it is! Choosing to put on joy is very brave. Since when did bravery go out of style? Or become insincere? To face sadness and not let it overcome you is the only good choice to make. Next time you feel a bit hopeless, what actions can you take to counter sadness and put on joy?