Desire: 5 Reasons We Don’t Go For It
The excuses we make to avoid pursuing our dreams.
What do you want? This simple four-word question might be the most difficult to answer. Why is that? Perhaps to admit what we truly want would make us vulnerable to failure. Not true. It would make you responsible for doing something about it! Much of your fate is in your hands. Once you know what you want and say out loud what you REALLY want, there is no where to hide. Because the follow-up question is always: “now, what are you gonna do about it?” But you can’t do anything about it if you can’t even admit what you want! So, what is stopping you from admitting and pursuing your desire?
1. “My desire or dream is just too big to chase!”—Sometimes our desires are so sizable we can’t even wrap our minds around it. Or they may seem so outrageous in the eyes of society. Here’s the thing, they wouldn’t be dreams if they were not BIG, HAIRY and SCARY! Yet, I insist only the big, scary dreams are worth pursuing. Big dreams help us become the best version of who we all hope to be. You want your dream to be so big that as you pursue it, you can’t help but grow into it. One step at a time, you become stronger, sharper and surer of your purpose. If your dream is too small, you will live a life unchallenged and uninteresting. Boring! No wonder most of us reach mid-life and have a crisis! So, even if your desire is ultimately not fulfilled and you don’t reach your dream, you will be a better person for having pursued it, than not.
2. “What if I fail?”—The better question is what if you don’t? Many of us fear what success will mean for our lives. Success demands sacrifice. When the rubber meets the road, many of us are unwilling to let go of the comfort of safety to pursue and live out our dreams. Way back in high school, I dropped my original plans to become a lawyer and pursued a career in acting—something many find way too uncertain. I made the jump and after working as an actor for several years, I discovered the lifestyle of an actor demanded sacrifices that did not suit my temperament. The unpredictability caused me great anxiety. For a long time, I resisted quitting because I didn’t want to admit failure. But, I began to realize I had other more pressing desires that would have remained unfulfilled if I continued on the acting trajectory. The lesson is: If I had not immersed myself completely in the pursuit of an acting career, I would have never figured out it wasn’t for me! The attempt to fulfill this desire gave me greater insight into the person I truly wanted to become. Simply, failure is just another step to becoming the best version of ourselves and to finding our true heart’s desire. Follow a desire to clarify the dream!
3. “But my friends/family tell me I shouldn’t.” At some point in our lives, someone of importance has discouraged us from pursuing our desire. A teacher, a parent, a sibling, or a friend, who was supposed to be your biggest cheerleader, made a comment, tainted by her/his own woundedness, and showed you the impossibility of your dreams. Or worse, such a person may have discouraged you from wanting and dreaming altogether! The spoken or unspoken message is “play it safe and you won’t lose!” False. We can take all the safest routes to a comfy, undisturbed life and still lose everything. And in the process, be bored out of our minds! Early on, I was blessed with a mom who encouraged me to follow my dreams, even when it scared her to death. Pursuing an acting career was probably not what she had in mind for me, but she was wise to not stand in my way and supported me in the lean years. Perhaps you haven’t got a single person to support or encourage you, yet that is not reason enough to quit on your dream. You can be your own support! I often coach people to reparent themselves as adults. Think on the words of affirmation you wish you would have heard from your parents or other role models, and now say them to yourself. Do this often! Before you know it, you will have the confidence to move forward. It also helps to surround yourself with like-minded individuals who can encourage you toward your dream and relate to the ups and downs of your journey. The key is not to allow lack of support to be an excuse for not following your dreams. Pioneers don’t complain about lack of help or encouragement; they dig deep and innovate!
4. “But what if God disapproves of my dream?” In my years serving as a ministry leader, I was astounded by the incapability of many young believers to name what they wanted. It was even difficult for them to fantasize about their dreams. Often the answer given to the question “what do you want?”, would be “I just want to do the will of God.” Hmmm . . . what a lovely cop-out! This is just a spiritually sophisticated way to avoid responsibility for making the necessary decisions to become the people we desire to be. God will not choose for you; He respects your free will too much. There exists a fear that what we Christians want will lead us away from God. Which implies two things: the will of God is an undesirable drudgery and/or our desires are inherently evil. Nothing could be further from the truth. God desires to gives us a life of abundance (John 10: 10). Furthermore, the Lord delights working through the deepest desires of our hearts. “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). Although, not every desire should be followed (i.e. the desire to harm, objectify or disobey the goodness of God), at the core of every human desire, even the basest, exists goodness, when purified. For example, the man who frequents prostitutes, what is he really wanting? Passion, pleasure, to feel noticed and important? None of these desires in and of themselves are wrong. The way in which it is fulfilled, is. Also, let’s give God some credit! If you begin to pursue a desire that does not fall into God’s plan for your life, will He, your loving Father, not purify your very desires? In other words, won’t God gently nudge you in the right direction which will satisfy the deepest desires of your heart? God has done this for me MANY times! And He can and will do it for you too.
5. “I can’t possibly pursue my desire as a special needs parent!” I will admit, there are many sacrifices involved to raising a child with special needs. And there have been many times where I have not been able to do what I wanted because I have had to choose my child over me. BUT, I refuse to allow the challenges of “special needs living” become an excuse for giving up on my dreams! Instead, I allow the transforming experience of raising my beautifully different boy mold my dreams—no, elevate them. If my special needs child is making me a better person, then my desires are becoming bigger and better too! It’s true, you may have to give up on a version of your dreams, but don’t forget them altogether. Just reimagine them! Maybe, I don’t have the time to focus and write a book, but I can write these words into a blog. Maybe, I can’t train for a marathon, but I can and did run a 5K every day for 31 days. BAM! The point is the best part of my desire IS being fulfilled. I’m living out my dreams in the way I can and I’m raising a beautiful boy in the process. Don’t allow any “perfect” preconceived notion of what your dream should look like stop you from trying! I’m so proud of the person I’m becoming, and I owe that all to my son Caiden. Thank you, Caiden for making me better and for being the best dream-come-true of my life!
So, what do you want? Now, go get it!